ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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