I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
