I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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