Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
