Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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