Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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