I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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