if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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