I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
