in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize