Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize