....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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