I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
