but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
