did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
