it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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