I wanna passion pit in your ass
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The air taste purple.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
