I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
