Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
