Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
