Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
