Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
