Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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