just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
