Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
