Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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