Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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