OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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