I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
