2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
