Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
