stop calling my apartment porn island.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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