You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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