Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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