It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
