Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize