I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
