I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
