What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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