when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
