I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
