A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize