He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
