My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
