just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
