Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
