I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
