I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
