I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
