Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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