i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
