Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
