Umm I'm too high to move.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
