I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
