I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she smelled like a LAN party
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
