o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
