Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
