I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
