he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize