i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
