Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
