he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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