Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
