shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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