Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
