Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
