Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its not stalking. its research.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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