yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize