Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
