I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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