my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
