i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
