how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
