I bet he comes in French.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
