just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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