theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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