that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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