So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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