Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just found puke in my bra..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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