im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
