Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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