I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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