Best friends brother. Beat that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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