3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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