the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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