she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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