Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want to be your penis for a week.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm like, not good at living.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
