you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
