my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
