high people should be assigned attendants
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
