I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
