i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
