Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
