Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
