by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
