Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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