I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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