Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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