"it" just moved
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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